Having been brought up in a Muslim family, I believe you know exactly how it is for us girls and you know all the rules.
I had always had a mature thinking and was very disciplined. I never allowed any guy in my life and knowing how the virginity is equivalent to the honor, I always knew I would have sex with my husband only and that too after marriage.
However, it didn’t happened as thought. While I was on training I met a guy who befriended me. I don’t know when I fell in love, I realized i was in love when I realize i couldn’t imagine my life without him. We shared the same thoughts and had so much in common I guess thats why we fell in love.
I was scared of how my parents would react, as he despite being a Muslim he was a foreigner. My family are very protective and have so much expectations and dreams for me. Being a married woman I belive you must know how it is. being in love drove us close, so we stated with kissing etc. As he lived alone in his flat and I was afraid to be caught walking with a guy who is not known to my family, it suited us to meet at his flat. we would talk, watch movie and he’ll hold me in his arms and hug me and i’d be feeling the most happy woman on earth. But he wanted more than just kiss as time passed. I told him i wanted it after marriage only.
I don’t know how it happend but i realised it only during the act, it was happening, we were intimate. I was really scared after it happend. i cried both of fear and joy – joy because i felt i lived a precious moment with the person i loved the most. I felt a sense of completion, “I’m now a woman’.
After the act i did had some bleeding or red skin like thing in my undergarments for 2-3 days. i believe it was my hymen fragments.
He loved me as his wife and in my mind he was my husband. After the act of intimacy when he saw that i was anxious. He held my arm and said nothing wrong happend:'” you are my wife and my life”.
I continued to live in my dream and we plan to talk to our families. He was not in a good position to be able to come and ask my parents my hand in marriage. So he planned to save for a year and the following I would be completing my university as well.
So I was active for 1 year. You must be wondering, what type of girl i am. Well I guess if I hadn’t lived this experience I would have blamed the girl who had pre marrital sex in what ever condition it was.
But now i’m a different person I learn not to judge people because everyone’s experience is unique.
I lived the most wonderful days of my life with xxxx (navn kendt af red), he was my love, my life, my friend, my dream man. I lived things out of love. I did had regrets that I crossed the limits a girl should not have but then it was already done. And I knew that He’ll marry me and he was the one with whom I lost my virginity and he knew it. All my life I had been the ideal girl living for others, that is my family, but i decided I would live for myself now.
We uses to communicate daily, talk and text each other. It happened that one day i didn’t had his message as usual( he used to sms me when he will be leaving office for home and text me back wen he reach home- as i used to be worried with his speedy driving and to make sure he doesnt text me while driving I made it a rule for him to text me before leaving office for home). It was already 6 pm and I hadn’t had news of him, by that time he must be home. I was having a strange restless feeling since earlier that day, I thought maybe i’m missing him thats why. i tested him but no reply. I did call him but my call wasn’t going through. i was restless walking to and fro in my room. I had mix feelings I was anxious and also angry at him for making me worry. I thought i’ll be angry with him and he’ll have to pacify me. it was already 21h and no sign of him. I had all sorts of thoughts, i thought maybe his mobile battery is dead or maybe some of his friends landed at his place. I was angry because he usually informs me from office if he forgot his mob at home or from his landline if his battery is dead and on charge. At 22h I received a call from his friend, who knew me and used to call me sis-in-law or sis.
He said sis, xxxx met with an accident.
My heart rate increased i was panicked. I asked him what happened is he injured, is it serious. I asked lot of questions together. He was silent, I called his name, he was silent. I asked me tell me what happened I’m feeling weak( with sudden emotion fluctuation or too much anger or emotion re-tension i feel weak) where is xxxx (navn kendt af red), where are you, are you with him??
He replied: i”m at hospital.
It was then I noticed his voice was cracking, my heart was sinking, I asked where is xxxx is he injured.
He replied: xxxx left us, he is no more.
At that moment I felt my world crumble, the mobile slipped from my hand and I tears fell from my eyes. I couldn’t stand, i don’t know what was happening I couldn’t breath i was already on the floor.…